True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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