3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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