just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
