Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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