i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
