I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
