Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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