I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
