My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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