i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves