now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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