i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
