I cannot find my penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
