Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
