You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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