ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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