Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
