I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
