Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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