happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
