We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
