My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
