just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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