Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
