Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
bring money and cleavage
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
