good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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