New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
