just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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