Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
