I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
