im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
