Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
