She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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