Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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