Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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