i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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