Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
