she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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