Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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