dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
