Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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