you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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