dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
