this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
