we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
