they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
