I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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