All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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