But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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