Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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