Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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