It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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