A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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