Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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