and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
