i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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