You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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