I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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