Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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