Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize